I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
