I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
