areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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