your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
