Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
