but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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