So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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