At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
