Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
