Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
