He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
