her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
