ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize