M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's official drugs can't kill me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
