definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize