Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
