u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
