STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
