Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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