Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
