I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
