I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
