you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
