bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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