ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
