I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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