A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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