I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Be still, my beating vagina.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize