Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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