Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
