You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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