i may or may not be watching the land before time
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
