i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
