is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When did angry sex become our thing?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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