I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
