So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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