I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
love makes seman taste better
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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