please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you will always have a special place in my vag
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
