I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
