1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i think i have two assholes
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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