I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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