If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
