the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
