for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My bed smells like the plague
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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