I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
