i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
