hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
