Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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