my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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