Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
