I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I didn't notice because vodka
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
