Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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