and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
