speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
