I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
