I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
