Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
