Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
