Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
