If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
if only i could text you this smell
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
