I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
