respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My life is pants optional.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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