dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
