eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
