I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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