My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
