I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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