god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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