I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
