why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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