you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
