I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
