Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize