he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
