I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
