I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
