hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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