"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
